Oregon Rep is Grrrrrrrrreat!

During his re-election, concerned staffers apparently told US Rep. David Wu, D-Oregon, not to dress up and embarrass the snot out of himself and everyone else in some Halloween costume.

Instead of following their wise advise, on Oct. 30 right around 1 in the morning Rep. Wu decided to dress up like a tiger and email the pic to everyone on his Blackberry.

Starting at 1:22am numerous other emails were sent, supposedly from his children, telling his staffers they were the best, their dad was wasted, etc.  An email supposedly from his kid said:  "My Dad said you said he was wasted Wednesday night after just three sips of wine. It’s just that he hasn’t had a drink since July 1. Cut him some slack, man. What he does when he’s wasted is send emails, not harass people he works with. He works SO hard for you … Cut the dude some slack, man. Just kidding."

So, if you live in Oregon, keep your eye on the tiger.

Charlie Sheen Mentally Anguished

Charlie Sheen is set to sue CBS for $320M over 'mental anguish'.  "All Sheen has right now is time and money to destroy that little f- -k," a source told The New York Post concerning Chuck Lorre, creator of '2 1/2 Men'. "Charlie's like a samurai warrior."

Meanwhile OCD-Ryan has learned, from the same source, that Samurai Warriors abused drugs and alcohol and suffered mental breakdowns with ladies of the evening in ancient hotel suites quite frequently.

T-tomorrow we.... go in.... innnnnnnnnto batatatle, we won't let 'em stopopebopop us from cell..... celebratin' our COLUMBUS DAY!

Small Nuclear War May Not Be So Bad

Alright, so, call me a conspiracy theorist here, but I can't help but think that calls for a small nuclear war stopping global warming is to try to make us (the public) feel better about North Korea threatening South Korea all of the time.  Just sayin'.

Or maybe it's an excuse to ignore the Chernobyl thing.

Hippy warheads for a better tomorrow!

Cloudy Weekend with a Chance of Civil War

Well, Egypt's gone, Tunisia's gone, might as well take Libya too.  Meanwhile, after the White House has been awkwardly quiet about all of this mess, the Prez finally tells Gadhafi to get out.

While gas prices rise, somebody's gotta benefit.

Not the Voodoo That You Do!

A sad day in Brooklyn when voodoo sex candle ritual goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Not so funny, a person was killed in the incident.

Respectfully, voodoo ought to be used for more practical purposes.

Weird Senator thinks Psyops on him Weird

Joe Lieberman says there's not much to the psyops-being-used-on-US-Senators thing that Rolling Stone reported on, but called it weird.

In other news Lieberman prepares nap for USA Today

In Russia, Communism Wins Mascot Poll!

It seems that in a poll as to what would be the Russian winter Olympics' mascot, the votes shifted suddenly when Vladimir Putin chose his favorite, a snow boarding leopard.  I'd imagine this has something to do with his wrestling leopards with his bare hands.

See, communism wins again!

 It has been rumoured that original Olympic mascot favorite, Ded Moroz, will be first Father Christmas to go to space

Bank Vaults for Bucks, not Babies

In Conyers, GA Friday evening firefighters worked to get a baby out of a bank vault.  Remember this the next time you're making a deposit.

All is well and the baby is safe, I'm happy to report.

This is the pursuit of happiness, NOT the Pursuit of Happyness.

US Will Be Third Largest Economy?

We have a while, at least, but according to William Buiter, chief economist at Citigroup, China will overtake us by 2020, then India will overtake China by 2050.

 

Hey guys, this game doesn't seem so fun anymore.

What's up With China?

China scares me, and I think I've said that before.

Not the people of course, but the government.  Our government is beginning to scare me too.  What exactly is going on behind the red curtain?

Not too long ago, US ambassador to China Jon Huntsman was caught on tape at an anti-government protest in China.  China's web police have now blocked his name.  All of this happening after China passed Japan as being the world's second largest economy, and there are strong predictions that it will pass the US as being the world's top economy within two years.  Behind the public's back, China has also been pressuring the US on 'diplomatic' issues with the debt we currently owe them.  It would seem that the US is trying to give China what it wants as the White House not only allowed but defended an anti-American song that was played there, but the president is welcoming China's rise to power.

All scary stuff and sorry this post isn't so funny as what you're probably use to here, but it is what it is.

Hockey More Dangerous Than You Think

The Assistant Coach for the Colorado Eagles has been suspended for stripping at a game over anger at some refs' call.

CBS4 reports from Loveland, CO.

This was not the ref he stripped for.

Post Fail - Post Card Sent 94 Years Late

Ooops.  It seems that the Royal Mail service in Norfolk not only sent a WW1 postcard 94 years late, but sent with it a note apologizing that it was damaged.   Plus it was sent to the incorrect house.

 No offense but the US Postal Service works a lot harder.

Redneck as a Religion

A man from TX was arrested in the state of FL for doing bad things with a minor.  Glad he got caught, needs to go to jail.  The strange thing about this was his faith.  Apparently 'Redneck' is considered to be a religion in certain places in the south.  The fact that the report had that typed in instead of written, as if it was a choice from a number of religions in a sidebar where you could click it in and the report would put it in that field, is very, very scary to me.

The dog was the best man.

Don't Mess With Unions

If you mess with a union protester, you could be hit by some big crazy man.  Especially if you're a woman.

Be on the lookout.

Not All Monkeys Are Evil

So, we have the happy cat picture here meaning things aren't so bad. We all know that monkeys have a reputation of attacking people and throwing poop but this monkey helps a man who is paralyzed do everyday things. Terrific story. Monkeys aren't so bad.

These monkeys ARE that bad though.

Guy Goes After Al Roker

Apparently a man who strongly believes in his talents went after the hosts of NBC's 'Today Show'.  Al Roker showed how bad-a he was by just standing there while the other hosts ran off.




This is why you don't mess with Al.

Google Creepier Than You Think

I understand that blogspot here is run by Google, and the creepy people there can see everything I'm typing (hi Google!) but Google is a much creepier thing than it may seem.

You may think Google's already creepy, but you may have no idea.

For example, a Google Exec was behind the Egyptian protests.  Google was also caught spying for the NSA under Pres. Obama.  Even one of the most trusted officials of one of the most creepiest people in the world (Vladimir Putin), Russian Deputy Prime Minister Igor Sechin, complained about them.  Now it's been revealed that Google may have run a kids' contest in an effort to steal their social security numbers.

So, even though I'm using a Google-backed tool to tell you this, CLICK HERE TO LEARN HOW TO REDUCE YOUR GOOGLE USAGE!  It could save your privacy.

Google it.

Deodorant Thief

We've all worried about BO..... at least most of us I'd like to imagine.  This guy just did what everyone who obsesses about their body odor would do, but don't have the courage it takes to do it.  Try to steal 58 bottles of deodorant by stuffing them down his pants.

Life-sustaining Sun may Doom Us All

It's being reported that the world is overdue for the sun to fire blasts of huge solar flares at Earth, causing massive blackouts and worse.

So, let's remember not to turn on the lights when the sun's out because we don't want to make it think it's unappreciated, ok?

 Dangit Mario quit tickin' off the friggin sun!

Headaches Could Be Symptoms Of Knife-In-Head Syndrome

February 18, 2011:  BEIJING (AP) — Surgeons in southern China successfully removed a rusty, 4-inch (10-centimeter) knife from the skull of a man who said it had been stuck in there for four years, the hospital said Friday.

Let me post that again in case you missed it.

BEIJING (AP) — Surgeons in southern China successfully removed a rusty, 4-inch (10-centimeter) knife from the skull of a man who said it had been stuck in there for four years, the hospital said Friday.

So remember, if you have been suffering from severe headaches, bad breath and breathing difficulties, it could be a 4 inch knife stuck in your face.

'tis be a flesh wound!

Naked Burglar

So a guy in either his boxers sometimes, sometimes naked, I think, took some food and napkins from a Florida retirement community.  Seriously, if he will steal this stuff in these conditions, doesn't he deserve them?

See, this is charity.  If this man had these small staples before, there'd be no reason why they now have to disinfect the clubhouse for the next several days without any rest...... that's what I'd do if John Malkovich's look-alike took food in the buff from my retirement clubhouse.

Or is that Michael Stipe?  Concerning the crime, it's probably Stipe.

Rush Limbaugh Told to Wrap Fat A-- In American Flag

So apparently Ed Shultz from MSNBC got angry at Rush Limbaugh over the Wis. protests and told him to wrap his fat a%# in an American flag..... and now that image has been burned into my mind and I can't get it out.

I've been in the shower all morning trying to get clean.  It was worse than that one time when.... Well..... look, I don't wanna blog about it.

 

Someone give these guys some flags!

Reincarnation Requires Government Approval

I've got nothing against the Chinese people, but I've got a lot against their government.  The Chinese government has just passed Japan as being the world's second largest economy, but that only half scares me.

Apparently, Buddhist Monks have been notified that, in order to be reincarnated, they have to have government approval.  I thank God I live in the United States where we have a Bill of Rights.

 The Bill of Rights for the United States of America:

The Bill of Rights for China:

Thanks to Penn and Teller for that joke in this excellent skit.

Arkansas Keeps Farting

Nono, it's not a redneck joke.  Half of my family is from Arkansas.  It's just, either Arkansas is really angry (and I mean, not the people, the state itself), or, according to scientists, "it could be related to ongoing natural gas exploration in the area."

In either cases, I hope everyone is safe there and this isn't just Arkansas suddenly waking up and realising how many $#%& potholes it has.

The Arkansas Razorbacks have opted not to go with the manager's special any more.  Thanks to www.cakewrecks.com for pic of this weird-a%$ cake.

Manual for Apocalyptic New York City

A city so nice it was named twice.  And it's twice the fun if sh%* hits the fan!

Quarantines. The closing of businesses. Mass evacuations. Warrantless searches of homes. The slaughter of infected animals and the seizing of property.

Of course, the only reason we should take away someone's humanitarian rights, let alone, their constitutional rights, is for their betterment, especially if they have to shoot their zombie dogs.


“It is a very grim read,” Mr. Younkins said.  You're tellin' me Mr. Younkins.

 In case of emergency, assume this position until it's safe to come outside again.

This is Your Brain on Diet Coke

A new report now shows that diet sodas may have fewer calories but could increase the chances of you having a stroke.  Drink up more calories from corn, or have your brain die.  It's your choice, and it's the choice of a new generation.

 

Drinking aspartame could significantly decrease your chances of taking over the world. 

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ice Cream.... WITH RAZOR BLADES IN IT AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

"I think it was just one of those random accidents that happen. When you make that much of a product, and that many products, you're bound to have a machine break," the woman who obviously doesn't have OCD and didn't automatically jump to the conclusion that this was a terrorist attack or Wal-Mart finally went crazy over people insulting them and is now trying to kill everyone said.

More here.

Clearly this is no cause for concern.

Guys Who Want Egypt Want a Little More

So, the guys who will be in control of Egypt if the riots succeed want a little more than Egypt.  Mustafa Mashhur who lead the Muslim Brotherhood from 1996 to 2002 wrote something called “The Laws of Da’wa", which basically states the 'brotherhood's' objectives are the “global conquest of Islam” and to “reestablishing the Islamic Caliphate".  For those ignorant of what a caliphate is, basically it's a group ruled by a leader (elected or, probably appointed) who would rule over ALL Muslims.

Elsewhere, “The Islamic ummah,” it says, referring to the supranational community of Muslims, “can regain its power and be liberated and assume its rightful position which was intended by Allah, as the most exalted nation among men, as the leaders of humanity.”
  
“Know your status, and believe firmly that you are the masters of the world, even if your enemies desire your degradation.”

Yeah, THESE are the people who want to take over one of the most powerful nations in the middle east.

Of course, the President isn't doing much about this, and hasn't taken much action other than telling the Egyptian Prez to do something about this.  Perhaps there's not much he can do, other than, I dunno, offer military support to stop this rioting business that the Egyptian military can't seem to handle?

Did they see this coming?

You may also want to know groups here in America are also calling for a new global order side-by-side with their Egyptian 'brothers and sisters'.  Those would be the union socialists, people like Richard Trumpka and the AFL-CIO.


Of course, there's a lot of other ignorant people out there who seem to support this.

Like, I skipped class this morning to support the uh, Egypt country.

Don't Mess With Animals You Don't Know How To Mess With

Most of the time OCD steals the life from you, but on a very rare occasion, it can give you ok advice, such as don't be messing with animals you don't know how to mess with, or try not to mess with a fighting rooster with a knife attached to it.

 

Get them before they get your children.

Pregnant Woman Given ABORTION PILL By Mistake

I know we like to joke around a lot here, but this is a serious story that sent my OCD into overdrive.  A pregnant woman who went to a Safeway pharmacy to pick up a prescription not only got someone else's, but was given an abortion drug by mistake.

Just to be on the safe side, I always recommend, especially with new medication, to check the bottle and make sure it is the right medicine just in case.  To the credit of most pharmacies out there, usually they will verify your address, and these guys didn't.  Still, of course, according to my obsessive mind, you can't be too careful.

Insulting Representatives

We have people in our Capitol Building who represents various states to our entire nation, who pass or don't pass bills that are then passed or not passed by the same people to become laws that can effect the way all of us live.  They approve or disapprove wars.  They represent our nation to the rest of the world.

So, it makes me a little nervous when one of these people calls over 2 million Americans (Glenn Beck's audience) backwood rednecks, 2 million of the 307 million of the people whose lives he can change, simply because they hold a different political belief than he does.  Such a powerful man, with such powers making such statements scares me, and not just from an OCD stance.  And it should frighten you too.

It makes me sad, because it's just not fair.

Bracelet assures you won't fall down the stairs!

When you have OCD, you're almost willing to try anything to help you stop it, including buying stuff like this hologram bracelet. Green Bay backup guard Adrian Battles who stands 6'3"and weighs over 300 lbs said he doesn't fall down the stairs anymore. And if he had a problem with that but this solves it, it ought to help my OCD problem, right?

Don't worry, we're going to be alright.

Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust?

With the release of Wikileaks, it troubles me to know who CAN we trust?  I'm not saying go vote third party or vote Libertarian or whatever, but seriously, isn't our government officials just like employers?  First, when they start noticing the employees are starting to worry about the real things that the boss is trying to avoid them knowing, the employer starts saying it's ok, just keep doing what you're doing and things will be fine.  Then there's the meeting of they're having Hawaii shirt day on Friday and, oh, we really need to start increasing sales and thinking of what's best for the company.  Then they start to get on your case on more stuff than they use to.  Then they start suggesting to cut things like, coffee in the break room.  Then they start finding reasons to can people before the final step - laying people off.  Yeah, your boas looks as serious as Lincoln during this entire ordeal, even the Hawaii shirt day thing.

Funny hat Fridays for all who want to participate!

 

Well, at first, we were told things are just fine, to keep doing what we've been doing in this bad economy and spend, and things were big parties (I mean, Bush told us to spend, right conservatives?, so spending must be ok!).  Everything's cool everybody, we're American, this economic stuff is gonna be just fine, while what they're not telling us is that the country (or company) is having to cut some stuff the people would rather it not cut but it's ok because they're doing it for the country. Then the stockholders don't seem so enthusiastic but the boss, sweating up a storm and upping his cigarette intake tries to assure them things are ok, nothing to worry about, and he welcomes their rise and potential to buy the company!  Uh-oh, did the employees hear that?! Let's just tell them things THEY can do to help out, like, I dunno, stop eating.  Then comes the finding sorry reasons to let people go.

Seriously sir, you have got to cut this out.

It's sort of scary, even from the perspective of someone without OCD.  What are the bosses not telling us while they hide behind smiling faces?  What are they going to be telling us tomorrow that will be completely different from what they told us yesterday?

Finally, what will be that final step?  Will we show up at the office the next day only to find the doors locked and the building empty? I dunno. I'm afraid to find out.

Your Rights Violated, OOPS!

I know that title sounds like some wacko conspiracy nutjob thing so I want to say, right now, please don't think that just because I'm OCD doesn't mean I'm a conspiracy theorist.

Ok, with that out of the way, a simple typo by an FBI agent lead to the reading and surveillance of an innocent person's email that wasn't in any way connected to the case the agent was working on.

Oops.

We all hear about people's names being mixed up in investigations, or people wrongly jailed who were later proved the be innocent.  In this incident, a simple typo caused some innocent person's email to be monitored.  So, hold to your freedoms dear, they really are sacred.

Not to mention spooky companies like Google are trying to take them away (and, by the way, the email in this case was a Gmail account).

We'll be legally watching you.